Things That Are Weirder

Without further pomp and ceremony, here is Things That Are Weird, Part 2!

8. Train etiquette= it’s cool to sleep on someone but talking is frowned upon? And so long as we’re squished in like sardines, make sure you don’t look at anyone. That would be embarrassing. Just close your eyes and try not to jam your groin into my pelvis as we lurch around. Thanks.
On the plus side, if you get puked on by a publicly intoxicated businessman I hear you can shame them into giving you a nice chunk of change to pay for the sweater they ruined!

9. How is it that the nation that brought you pressure controlled washlets, heated toilet seats and the glorious o-hime (a nice little flushing noise to cover up whatever ungodly sounds you are producing) refuses to get rid of the foul squatty potty in most public places (I’m glaring at 2 of my schools now- not a porcelain seat to be found in the entire building)? Jean hems, beware! You might get soaked in the pee lining the bowl!

10. What do you mean I can’t pull money out from the ATM at 10 pm? What, you mean my bank that’s 20 miles away can’t be inconvenienced? Last I checked everything was run by computers…Am I interrupting their updates and disk cleanup?

11. Blowing noses in public is gross, I agree. But you know what else is gross? That there’s a lineup of male teachers after lunch waiting to gargle, hack and spit into the sink. No one else seems to bat an eye, while my English coworker and I are covered in goosebumps and trying not to let our gag reflexes get the best of us by spewing all over our desks. One of my coworkers asked us if we do this Stateside after seeing me looking rather pale, and when I responded he looked slightly horrified, "Oh no! You must think we are so rude!" The ethnocentric part of me nodded, but the part that wants to be culturally sensitive managed a weak smile and vague shrug of the shoulders. It's the sound that gets me moreso than the actual act.

12. It’s 7:30 Monday morning, the height of the rush hour for the trains. You bustle to the station and realize the trains are stopped. According to the scrolling text screen, there has been a “human accident” (I.e. A suicide) 2 stops ahead. Do you:

a.)    Stare in mute shock and have a crummy rest of the day  b.) Shake your head in disbelief and sorrow c.) Stomp your foot because now you’re going to be late-Damn it- and that idiot couldn’t kill himself in a way that didn’t inconvenience thousands of other people who were just trying to get to work?!

Sadly, the answer is going to most commonly be C. Suicide via train happens so regularly that the general public sees it as an inconvenience rather than the final, desperate attempt for relief from a struggling soul. I guess it doesn’t help that the train companies will often sue the departed’s family for lost revenue during the time it takes to clean up and restart the train lines. 

13. Cover those shoulders up, you filthy scarlet woman, you! How dare you show them off, have you no shame? All boney and freckly, the men are simply going to go wild with lust! Any decent woman would wear shorts so short their asscheeks are peeking out from the hem, mind you. And don’t forget the accessory to pull it all together- thigh high black stockings! Not. Suggestive. At all. Get rid of that fitted coat too, ya slut, and put on this burlap bag inspired tunic- it’ll hide those disgusting curves!