Things That Are Weirdest

Women like to dress up; I understand this because, deep down, I too am actually a girl and occasionally like to look nice. I am 23 years old. I dress like I’m in my 20’s because, in my culture, we like our women to act young but look like…women. Ai-chan is 24, Yuki is 28 and Eriko is 34. They like to dress up like they are 12, maybe 13. Socks with lacey frills, satin and lace scrunchies a la 1987, and Hello Kitty/Minnie Mouse accessories abound! Chock it up to a society that sexualizes youth in the “untouched” sense and the ideal fantasy age is a junior high school girl- and it reflects in fashion and the way girls and women act. No surprise then that Japan is waist high in material that seriously makes me question if the girls are 14 or 40. 

 If your shoes hurt, break them in. If they continue to hurt, don’t wear them. If you’re wearing heels, please make sure you have TWO heels. It’s not like you suddenly looked down and realized, “Hey! My left heel has now become a flat! How avant-garde!”. I see shoe repairmen in train stations. They always look bored and lonely. Go to them and fix your damn shoes. While you’re there, see if you can get some custom orthotics so you don’t have to walk pigeon-toed anymore. I know, I know, the majority of girls walk pigeon-toed because it’s a relic of wearing a kimono and you HAD to walk pigeon-toed lest your kimono start creeping open. Kimono=Pigeon-toed=Sign of femininity=CUUUUUUTE. But there’s no reason to waddle when you’re wearing a skirt or jeans. So knock it off, walk properly and then you won’t be slowing down everyone behind you.

Drugs are bad, m’kay? Yes, yes they are. However, drugs introduced in a medically controlled area for the sake of, you know, relieving pain maaaaaaybe are a good thing. Oral aspirin probably won’t cut it, just saying. Oh, what’s that? You’re so afraid of your patient, currently incapacitated by pain mind you, becoming a drug addict that you will refuse morphine even though that’s usually the procedure for all other developed nations? C’mon Japan! You’re the country that brought us the Gundam, the walkman, computers and cars with awesome gas mileage! How hard is it to bring your medical practice up to code? And don’t even get me started on the 3^rd year medical student who was convinced that if I donated blood to a Japanese person I would kill ‘em, regardless of a type match, simply because I’m not Japanese….

Hitting. Maybe it’s because I’m not a rough n’ tumble kind of girl, but I don’t get the hitting thing. I sort of understand a bunch of boys punching each other in the arm for a game of Slug Bug or just to see who has the strongest knuckles, but I don’t get how face slapping and hitting upside the head are treated so lightly here. I’ve even seen teachers bop students on the top of their head for minor infractions. Sometimes it’s in jest, but other times it’s serious. That good ol’ Parietal Bone smack to the crown makes me cringe; not only do I see students doing it to each other, and one time I saw  a toddler having an epic meltdown in a Shibuya restaurant. Rather than remove the crying child from the restaurant, the (young) mother just smacked the poor kid on the head several times trying to get him to be quiet. I just…I don’t even…Guh. 

Silent students. There is some truth to the adage “Japanese students are polite and shy”. Shy is the key word here. I was shy as a child and I didn’t like talking in class so I would rarely volunteer. The thing is, however, if the teacher called on me or came to my desk to ask if I needed help, I was expected to respond-even if it was a lousy guess. It baffles me to no end that I try to talk to some students and they just stare mutely at me, like their tongues have been cut out, before shifting their gaze away. It’s beyond rude and you’d better believe I would’ve been given disciplinary punishment for defiance or…something, had I pulled that!